I knew I’d been not quite myself, and that I’d been fighting off some low-grade blahs over the past few weeks. Our anniversary trip to Walla Walla wasn’t as wonderful as it could have been, for example, because I was tired and crampy and uninterested in wine tasting for the most part–a travesty*.

But over the past couple of days it started getting harder to ignore. I realized that I didn’t have the energy to blog or do anything useful, and hadn’t for some time. By the night before last–our true anniversary, and after a very pleasing meal at Sel Gris–I felt awful. I rolled around in bed yesterday getting a little bit of work and a lot of moaning accomplished.

My visit to my doctor today confirmed what I already quietly knew. My Crohn’s has flared up, my “spot” in my tubes (near where my surgery was) is back (”I can feel the mass again”, he said), and things are inflamed and unhappy. I feel kind of like you might feel when you’re sick: shaky, weak, tired and bleh. But, additionally, things in my middle parts burn and seize.

My doctor seemed very sad. “This disease is not fair,” he said today.

Some things of note:

• I have to go back on prednisone. The implication is that my departure from the drug brought this on. There is some discussion at looking at the biologic drug Remikade, but my doctor is concerned about the potential side effect of lymphoma (yikes). Then again, lymphoma is a possible side effect of the drug I’m on now (6MP). I have swollen glands right now but my doctor says they’re “not pathological” which I take to mean that either they’re OK or their lying problem is under at least some sort of control.
• My back hurts and has for a few weeks. Not Death Pain or anything, but burning and noticeable. Apparently, this rheumatoid-esque sacral-ileitis is strongly linked to Crohn’s. We can add that to the list.
• The timing of this is dreadful. I have friends visiting from the UK and staying in my house, and I’m hosting a large house party tomorrow.
• At least he was kind enough to prescribe opiates for the worst of the pain.

July was a very intense month for me. Wonderful, mostly. Work was very challenging but also joyful. My postings on this blog and elsewhere were broadly read and experienced (I got literally a hundredfold increase in traffic). And the New York Times thing added more folks to the party. There was contention, which always happens with broad exposure. Though most reaction to various things was positive, some people on the Internet said some fairly aggressive negative things about me. I wholeheartedly support their First Amendment privilege, even if their comments were caustic. I’m just glad all of this happened last month, because now I feel a bit thinner of skin. What I need now is a bit of quiet and gentleness. Family and friends and kind words. A few escapist novels, a glass of wine and a good nap.

* Don’t misunderstand me, it was still a great trip. When I have more energy and time I’ll post some photos and talk about it.

Tags: Crohn's, health, Life

My Twitter friend @peat almost always starts the morning by tweeting: “How are you changing the world today?”

I don’t usually have a good answer. I thought about why this was and reflected on my path. My path is not as a world-changer, at least not consistently and directly. Mine is not fully defined yet, but it seems to center around gaining knowledge (which I hope will lead to wisdom, but we’ll see) and perhaps being an influencer or helper–perhaps–as a beneficial side effect.

So I have found myself reflecting upon the following questions most days: “What have I learned today?”

In the past couple of days, I have learned:

• Japan formed a puppet state in northeastern China called Manchukuo in the 1930s. It was ultimately dissolved after the Second World War. I also learned about the geography of Manchuria and outer Mongolia in general (Sources: The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami, Wikipedia and my atlas).
• Commercial growers rarely use Lexan (plastic) for greenhouse construction any more. Reasons include its degradation over time under sun conditions and rising cost (plastic = petroleum = more dollars). (Source: Mark of Orchidaceae in Walla Walla, Wash.)
• the Acoma Pueblo in New Mexico might be the oldest inhabited place in North America (Inspiration: Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather, Source: Wikipedia, Internets).
• Sacajawea Peak in the Wallowa Mountains is the tallest mountain in Oregon outside of the Cascade chain (Source: David via the Internet on his phone on top of Mt. Howard staring at said peak).
• Clark Nutcrackers and whitebark pines have a symbiotic relationship in the Wallowas, as the birds bury and forget pine nuts (Source: pathside signs, Wallowa Mountains).
• The Grande Ronde River in northeastern Oregon, near the enclave of Troy, is stunning. Also: there are goodly number of wild turkeys out there. (Source: Self/obvious/gravel roads/wow).
• The fewer the digits in a Forest Service road, the more likely it is to be passable in some sense. But not always. On Monday, 62 was better than 6415 but 64 sucked. (Source: Deduction/confirmation from Mr. Pencil).
• How wheat is harvested (Source: Observation from hilltop).
• Milton-Freewater, Oregon’s slogan is “Home of low-cost utilities.” Or at least that’s what their sign says. (Source: sign).

Tags: knowledge, learn, Life, peat

At work I’m wrangling with Drupal, which in addition to remarkable complexity, has doc pages like this:

“In as much on our waiter attainment this service, then worthy to turn up with the help of this, that given tobe displayed in a time let it run the cron.php”.

Yeah, the whole page is like that.

I’m also feeding the fish at the office regularly, which makes them happy, and wiping down my desk more because it is the place where all scum and dust goes when it dies. Sadly our local lunch haunt, Pho Green Papaya, is under new ownership and has started listing to port, quality-wise.

It appears to be sunny and I have no caustic comments on that matter.

Yesterday I started my summer term course in calculus at Portland State Uni. It feels very curious to be back in Neuberger Hall after an 8-year hiatus (since graduation). The smell of the stairwell made my hairs stand up. I have some confidence that this will Go Well, but not without Some Tears, likely. Actually, I am already fiscally lachrymose: on top of the course’s $600 price tag: a TWO HUNDRED FIVE DOLLAR TEXTBOOK. And it’s only the first of three textbooks. It’s hot damn good the other two are not required because, excuse me, Fuck That.

This weekend I am taking an immersive pinhole camera workshop at the Oregon College of Arts & Crafts. I am not sure what to expect therein.

Mr. Pencil spent some time this week fabricating some sort of blow-fan out of a tube and a motor and a battery. There was grinding and screwing.

The dog is well.

There. End of expository transmission.

Tags: Life, pencils

I’m still heartily distracted by the fun lumps in my ‘ppendix (CT scan tomorrow, surgery…soonish?), but here are some other things to keep you distracted:

•  Trying to decide whether the $125 minimum order at Nicky’s game/meats justifies our need for sourcing duck fat for making duck confit.
•  David bought a brazer. I confess I didn’t even know what brazing was, nor why we need to be able to do it at home. The latter still eludes me. Something to do with creating beer, I guess.
• I have radioactive milkshakes in my fridge. They will make me extra glowy when I get all scanned.
• I’m a local tech scene debutante. I have come out (again, for the first time in years). Who knew there were so many professional events to attend? Most with free alcohol, no less.
• Floordog seems skinnier. Mr. Pencil has been feeding her less. She spends a lot of time licking the floor in the kitchen.
• David’s car got broken into (smashed window) Saturday night. Damage as per usual less than insurance deductible. Lost: backpack full of climbing gear and shoes.
• I made sugary cookies with Ibarra, cayenne and chunky sea salt on top. Did I mention I’d been drinking? FAIL.
• For your amusement.

Tags: cookies, drinking, happenings, Life