Lyza Danger Gardner

All about Lyza


PDX Pet Peeves: Pee on my Seat

April 5th, 2008

You, dude who feels it necessary to use the women’s bathroom on my floor at work. I don’t really mind the whole Ally McBeal gender-neutral pisser. I am all about equality. But when you leave the seat halfway up* and dribble pee on the seat it makes me want to track you down and break your toes.

Jesus, I don’t get it. Men are anatomically gifted with a peeing device that they can <em>aim</em>. You nasty bastards should be way more accurate than we are. Knock it off.

You, sir, are a twit.

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4 Responses to “PDX Pet Peeves: Pee on my Seat”

  1. Kevin Says:

    Talk to a janitor sometime. Women are just as capable of bathroom nastiness as men

  2. Jim Says:

    sure, they just don’t normally piss all over the seat. Not a issue I would get up in arms about myself but I guess you have a dog in this fight ;-)

  3. Actually... Says:

    Women do often dribble all over the seat - this was explained to me once by a supermodel on David Letterman. Who knew?

    It’s because the don’t sit down but instead use the ‘hover’ mechanism while very very drunk in the bar’s restroom facilities. And, as drunk, don’t notice their leftover mess.

    I’m just saying..

  4. Lyza Gardner Says:

    I should clarify. I got the tone wrong here. I didn’t mean to say that women are in any way less disgusting and primal than men. Not at all. It’s just that if you’re going to use the opposite gender’s bathroom, be gentle with it. There is, after all, a men’s room here, too.

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PDX Pet Peeves: Girl with Off-leash Pit Bull

April 4th, 2008

You, dipshit street girl with off-leash pit bull.

People are scared shitless by pit bulls. All the more so when they lope down the sidewalk unattended and unleashed charging directly towards them. Especially people (aherm) who have been attacked by dogs twice in the last year, unprovoked. You, watching the frightening beast run up to every pedestrian on the street and merely walking on your merry way. Shit like this causes people who are afraid of dogs to be more so and people who dislike them to feel more inclined to this opinion.

You, madam, are a twit.

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4 Responses to “PDX Pet Peeves: Girl with Off-leash Pit Bull”

  1. Kevin Says:

    And you are a brainwashed twit who believes everything the press tells her.

  2. Jim Says:

    wow, even lyza.com has it’s fair share of trolls …

  3. Mikety Mike Says:

    I’m going to give Kevin much MUCH more of a reply than his comment deserves. Did you miss the part about being attacked by dogs? Have you been attacked by a dog? I have, on several occasions. I was pulled off a bike by one. I had to pepper spray one once. I have to go to trashy people’s houses for a living. The only time I’ve ever had a person say, “DON’T get out of your car, the dog is dangerous” was a Pit Bull. Leash laws exist for a reason!
    Don’t give me that “it’s all in how you raise them” crap you pit bull nuts always use. You can raise a golden retriever any old way you want and it won’t kill anybody. For that matter, it will still retrieve. You know why? Because that is what is was bred to do. What are pit bulls bred to do? Even the pro-pit bull people say you have to train them “carefully.” Sorry, you shouldn’t have to be a professional dog trainer to keep your dog from killing someone.
    Sure cocker spaniels bite people, I’m sure a German shepherd has attacked people, those dogs shouldn’t be off a leash either! I’m not saying they can’t be good dogs, I’m talking about playing the odds, common sense. Some dogs have tendencies based on breed. It’s not racist, it’s inherited instincts. Border collies have been bred for generations to increase their herding instinct, greyhounds are bred for speed, these are inherent characteristics.
    This is why some people want pit bulls, drug dealers, bikers, gang bangers, they want to look tough, pit bulls look tough, they are tough, and they DO, on occasion, kill people, media hype or no media hype. If I saw a Rottweiler or a Doberman or a Great Dane off a leash I’d be pissed too, it MIGHT be a harmless pet, or it might be one of these nuts who has already had their dog bite people but just doesn’t care. They ARE out there, you can’t just assume every dog is harmless, You CAN’T, it’s STUPID.
    Would you have called Lyza a twit if she had said, “a big mean looking mutt was charging at her off a leash?” If you want to be “champion of the pit bulls” have at it, but don’t expect people to behave as if they’re bunnies. Because they are not.

  4. Sadly.. Says:

    Sadly, if this happened to me, I might have heavily harmed the dog.

    Keep your dogs who enjoy charging on leashes, people! You don’t want me to hurt them in self defense do you? Because I’m no Diane Whipple, I am not instinctually a nice person when it comes to attacks.

    I’ll say it: Kevin you’re a dumbass.

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PDX Pet Peeves: Pretentious Euro-plates

April 4th, 2008

You, sir.

You, the effete bastard in the late-model Volvo. You, with the Oregon license plate tacked over your European plate that proves you Went to Europe and bought it there. You don’t realize how your pretentious display of your unnecessary license plate irritates me.

You, sir, are a twit.

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3 Responses to “PDX Pet Peeves: Pretentious Euro-plates”

  1. Jeff Says:

    I would also lump in those euro, oval, stickers that people put on the back of their cars.

  2. Lyza Gardner Says:

    …Especially those oval country ones that aren’t even for COUNTRIES; damn people making up their own acronyms. WHO CARES?!

  3. kes Says:

    Euro license plates are loads better than US plates, which hang too low and spoil the airflow as German designers intended. Kudos Euro license plate men and women. They’re just jealous!

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